From our first appointment until our first attempt was nearly 7 months. Our entire plans shifted. I needed surgery. It wasn’t straightforward. And it wasn’t cheap.
Ultimately, we ended up doing reciprocal IVF – my wife’s eggs and my uterus. And I may be biased, but I feel like this is the most magical way for two women to expand their family as we both truly felt like a part of the pregnancy!
When I was pregnant with our first, we learned that while we both got to go on our son’s birth certificate, we would not both be considered legal parents. And ironically, my wife – the genetic mom of our kids, was the one who had to adopt him. Mind. blown.
In every single state in the US, the birth certificate is not enough. You need to obtain a judgment from a court if you use a donor (sperm, eggs, embryo, etc) to ensure that both parents have full legal parental rights (issues can potentially arise in cases of death, divorce, moving internationally, etc)
When I shared this on my social media, people freaked out and turns out most people had NO idea this was a thing. And I came to find that a lot of lawyers don’t either.
Now, I’m a lawyer, but I do business law, so this was outside of my wheelhouse. So I had an idea to create a directory of lawyers who specialize in family building and specifically for the LGTBQ+ community – because our legal needs are different. I wanted to make sure that my community was taken care of competently and with compassion.
Well, very quickly, that little idea expanded to include fertility clinics in North America that are LGBTQ+ friendly, surrogacy resources and blogs + vlogs providing education as well as real stories from real individuals. And now, I run connecting rainbows – the first and only organization dedicated to providing one comprehensive database to start, grow + protect your LGBTQ+ family.
This process can feel overwhelming and stressful and isolating. But it doesn’t have to. You are not alone. There is support out there. My hope, intention and goal is to provide you with the information you need and connect you to the best experts in their field to take care of you.
Come say hi on the socials (@connectingrainbowsorg) and check out my site: connectingrainbows.org.