In honour of April being Limb Difference Awareness month and coinciding with Lesbian Visibility Week, we hear from 4 lesbians with limb differences who share their experiences, as well as advice to anyone struggling.

This topic is a personal one to Megan Bacon-Evans, cofounder of Find Femmes and The Femme Edition, who identifies as a lesbian with a limb difference. Megan interviewed 3 other lesbians with limb differences in order to raise further awareness and to help others not feel so alone.

Megan Bacon-Evans | @meganfromwegan

“In contrast to how I felt about my sexuality, I struggled for YEARS to accept my disability. I used to hide my limb difference when meeting people, as well as actively hide it in photos and videos online.”

1. Please tell us a little about you and your type of limb difference.

Hi I’m Megan! I’m the co-founder of Find Femmes and The Femme Edition, and one half of the ‘influencer duo’, known as ‘Wegan‘ (aka my wife Whitney and I). I’m 33 (about to turn 34) and live in the Windsor, UK. I also conquered long distance between Hawaii and the UK with my now wife and we’ve been together for nearly 13 years. I was born premature at 28 weeks old, due to my mother having pre-eclampsia. I also have a limb difference to my left hand and shortened arm, as a result of medical negligence. Fun fact – my limb difference is called Handy, a name I’ve used since I was a child.

2. When did you realize you’re a lesbian/like women?

My earliest memory is around 11 years old of realising that I liked girls. I didn’t struggle to accept my sexuality and I came out at 16 years old. I’ve always pretty much been a loud and proud femme lesbian!

3. Did you struggle accepting your limb difference? If so, how do you feel about it now?

In contrast to how I felt about my sexuality, I struggled for YEARS to accept my disability. I used to hide my limb difference when meeting people, as well as actively hide it in photos and videos online. It wasn’t until I met Whitney, and her love and acceptance towards me and my limb difference, really helped me to start to accept and embrace Handy. I’m so much more confident than I used to be, it’s been such a journey!

4. Any tips / advice for anyone struggling with their limb difference and/or sexual orientation?

Believe me I know what it’s like to struggle accepting your limb difference but I’ve come to realise that it’s apart of you that should be embraced and celebrated. It makes you unique and also enables you to see the world slightly different to others. It’s your super power and you have to learn how to harness it! With regards to sexuality, I know a lot of women do struggle with this, particularly when they’re feminine presenting and aren’t sure that you can be girlie as well as liking girls. The answer is there is no ‘one’ look to being gay and all you have to do is stay true to who you are. Nowadays there’s such a great LGBTQ+ community online, and its what we strive to create through Find Femmes instagram and The Femme Edition, to help others not feel so alone.

5. Do you think it’s important for there to be more visibility of lesbians with limb differences? What would this representation have meant to you when growing up (or even now)?

It’s absolutely so important to see visibility of lesbians with limb differences. When I first ‘came out’ about my limb difference, I didn’t realise how many responses that I would get from fellow LGBTQ+ women with limb differences/ disability. It really helped to know that there are others out there, just like me. Also just following the lesbian community and the limb difference community in general online has really helped my own confidence, so seeing the two identities combined is just amazing!

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Christiana Lederman | @xtianaml @moxieadaptive:

“It has taken decades to love my body and celebrate my uniqueness as it relates to my limb difference. Societal norms make individuals with limb differences feel invisible and subpar so much of the time, but the truth of the matter is that 1 in 4 individuals live in a body that has a disability.”

1. Please tell us a little about you and your type of limb difference:

I was born in Arizona, lived in New York City in my 20’s, and am now located in New Orleans, LA with my wife Ardice. I was born with an upper limb difference, missing my left forearm and hand, but have not let that limit or frame my mindset around what is physically possible in my life. I had a really fun and interesting career as a former professional dancer and am now a philanthropy director working in higher education. I also recently co-founded Moxie Adaptive (@moxieadaptive) which is an organization focused on creating a space for individuals with limb differences to connect, empower each other, and boost self-love.

2. When did you realise you’re a lesbian/ like girls? Did you struggle with accepting your sexuality or coming out?

I was first noticeably attracted to women in my early 20’s. I didn’t struggle with accepting it at that point in my life, but I often wonder if there has been more acceptance and visibility around LGBTQ+ relationships growing up in my small town if it would have clicked sooner for me.

3. Did you struggle accepting your limb difference? If so, how do you feel about it now?

It has taken decades to love my body and celebrate my uniqueness as it relates to my limb difference. Societal norms make individuals with limb differences feel invisible and subpar so much of the time, but the truth of the matter is that 1 in 4 individuals live in a body that has a disability. This world should be celebrating those differences rather than comparing them to a standard that simply doesn’t need to exist.

4. Any tips / advice for anyone struggling with their limb difference and/ or sexual orientation?

Find ways to embrace and love who you are. Celebrate the small things every day. Your differences make you special, and strong, and there are so many others out there that will identify with who you are and be inspired by your confidence in living your most authentic life.

5. Do you think it’s important for there to be more visibility of lesbians with limb differences? What would this representation have meant to you when growing up (or even now)?

I think it’s so important to have more visibility around LGBTQ+ and limb differences. There is so much secrecy around both of these identities separately, and even more when combined. Representation matters, and the more individuals we have in the world living loudly and proudly the more others like them will be able to find confidence and live their own truth.

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Katie Harney:

“My advice would for anyone struggling with their limb difference is to remember that you are not alone… It’s also important to recognise the small steps you make every day, remember how strong you are as a person and remember that our differences are what make us unique!”

1. Please tell us a little about you and your type of limb difference:

Hi, my name is Katie, I’m 29 years old and I currently live in Brighton. I am training to be a Probation officer and graduated from university in 2015 after studying psychology and criminology. When I was aged 7, I fell and broke my left arm and after an x-ray and biopsy I was found to have neurofibromatosis (benign tumour) in my arm and wrist. As a result, I was required to have several different treatments, including chemotherapy, radiotherapy and some pretty full on surgery! In order to remove the tumour and prevent me from losing my arm, my wrist had to be fused so I have extremely limited movement in my hand and arm. Additionally, having radiotherapy at such a young age meant that my arm and hand did not develop as much so my arm is a lot shorter than my right arm and my hand is a smaller. 

2. When did you realize you’re a lesbian/like women?

I realised that I was a lesbian at age 15 but did not come out until I was 21 years of age. I’m not sure why I found my sexuality so hard to accept, I think primarily it was fear of being different to my friends, people not accepting me and I had already felt so different because of my limb difference!

3. Did you struggle accepting your limb difference? If so, how do you feel about it now?

I would say that my limb difference is the main cause of my body image issues and anxiety. It’s difficult to put into words how much I struggled to accept my limb difference. My body image issues started from a young age and I would always cover up my arm and hand, avoid social situations through fear of people seeing and this insecurity stemmed into body dysmorphia and also an eating disorder when I was aged 17. Compared to how I felt growing up, I am starting, albeit slowly, to accept my limb difference and I am able to talk about it more and also wear short sleeves (which is huge progress). It is still something that I struggle to accept, and some days are better than others.

4. Any tips / advice for anyone struggling with their limb difference and/or sexual orientation?

My advice would for anyone struggling with their limb difference is to remember that you are not alone. If you are really struggling, I would suggest speaking with a professional as I have had a number of CBT sessions in the past which really helped. I also started following people on Instagram who have limb difference’s, and this made me feel less alone. It’s also important to recognise the small steps you make every day, remember how strong you are as a person and remember that our differences are what make us unique!

5. Do you think it’s important for there to be more visibility of lesbians with limb differences? What would this representation have meant to you when growing up (or even now)?

I think it is important for there to be more visibility of lesbians with limb differences. This representation would have made me feel less alone, less isolated and more accepted in the lesbian community. I feel that more visibility would allow people with limb differences to feel less self-conscious and for me, particularly when growing up, this would have allowed me to feel more comfortable wearing short sleeves. Following people with limb differences on social media has already started to make me feel more accepting of my limb difference and I am grateful that it is something that is starting to be discussed more.

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Lenore Montanaro:

“My limb difference has made me resilient, powerful, and more empathetic to others’ sufferings. More importantly, I am cancer-free and filled with joy to have life.”

1. Please tell us a little about you and your type of limb difference.

I am a 30-year old from Rhode Island, United States. I enjoy playing my guitar, kayaking, and being with dogs! I am a lesbian. In 2002, my leg was amputated above-the-knee due to cancer. I wear a prosthetic leg to ambulate.  

2. When did you realize you’re a lesbian/like women?

I first realized that I am attracted to women at a young age. I had crushes on “Miss Honey” from the movie Matilda and “Kim, the Pink Power Ranger” from the show The Power Rangers. I did not fully realize that I am a lesbian until college.

3. Did you struggle accepting your limb difference? If so, how do you feel about it now?

My leg was amputated when I was 11-years old due to cancer. When the amputation occurred, I did not struggle to accept my limb difference because it meant that I could finally live my life, cancer-free. Shoe shopping was difficult though. During my years as a teenager and in college, however, it became apparent that some women did not want to date me because of my prosthetic leg. This made me sad and grateful because my prosthetic filtered out women who were not right for me. As time went on, I felt even more gratitude for my strength in managing my limb difference. My limb difference has made me resilient, powerful, and more empathetic to others’ sufferings. More importantly, I am cancer-free and filled with joy to have life.

4. Any tips / advice for anyone struggling with their limb difference and/or sexual orientation?

I have some tips that might help. First, know that you are BEAUTIFUL, worthy, whole, and seen. Second, be true to yourself. This may mean that if you want to be “out” about your limb difference and/or sexual orientation, you can. But, you do not owe anyone else your story or stories. Who you are and what has happened to you is yours to share. Third, engage in self-care. If possible, nourish your body with physical exercise and good nutrition, and embrace your mental wellness. Fourth, LOVE YOURSELF. Look at your limb difference and tell it, “I see you. You are different. I will take care of you.” Finally, it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be angry. Fully feel your emotions and then keep rockin’ on! I am cheering you on!

5. Do you think it’s important for there to be more visibility of lesbians with limb differences? What would this representation have meant to you when growing up (or even now)?

It is absolutely important for lesbians with limb differences to be seen, so long as they have the power and self-leadership to control the narrative by which they are seen. It is especially important to be embraced for who you are as a person. I hope that all LGBTQ+ communities see the resilience, strength, and beauty of limb differences. 

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Thank you so much to Christina, Katie and Lenore for sharing their stories with us. I’m sure it will help many not feel alone in their journey!

M xo