Dating, love, and heartbreak can feel topsy turvy. Because of the COVID-19 pandemic, now, more than ever, you may feel a sense of an Alice in Wonderland style of madness within or around you. These changes are puzzling.
I remember my pre-pandemic love life. I was engaged to a loving and special woman. At the time, love with her was an assortment of fun, adventure, pleasure (ideally), and apparent security. It was oh so messy and beautiful. I was “in love” and would have stayed there.
But she grew distant and told me that she wanted to break-up. I, like many others, found myself in a rabbit hole of heartbreak and loss. I shrunk and began my ascension. The pain felt impossible to overcome, and I was invited to transform.
Looking back, or through, I cannot remember all of the women I have dated, but I know that my now-30-year-young heart has certainly enjoyed my time with a whole cast of characters. A few are listed below.
Almost three years ago, before going out with friends in Boston’s Theater District, I found a match in a cutie online with adorable dimples. We had our first date at the beach. We talked every night, and I liked it. We compared hand sizes. She knew everything about everything. Eventually, I woke up to avocado toast and organic peaches. I trusted in probable things with her. On most mornings, I was asked, “Do you want coffee or tea?” I fell asleep nestled into her. Our bodies fit. We worked out together. She played video games while I read. We traveled. She asked me to marry her at 3:00 a.m., and I said “yes.” We moved in together. We bought matching stockings for Christmas. I had finally found someone who “wowed” me. I did it, I thought. I found my person.
Then, the COVID-19 pandemic happened and my fiancé wanted to end our relationship.
I was not a “perfect” partner, of course. But love is not about perfection; it may mean, however, that we choose our partners even when the choice feels impossible. I may never know what caused her to no longer want to be my partner. (How curious!)
But I know what happened with me.
My heart shattered. It also broke open. I realized that I know how to love.
I began to think of six impossible things before making my own breakfast of avocado toast. I learned that I did not need another person to know my reality for me. I did not need someone to “wow” me. I needed to wow myself. I was and am enough. And YOU are enough. This is a lifelong practice of self-love, and I wish for this love for all us.
You may find that some of the pains in your life lead you closer to a richer and deeper life experience. You can begin by asking yourself: What breaks your heart?
Can you grab your pain, and live within and through it? Look at your heartbreak and tell it, “I love you and you hurt.” Tell your inner child, “Cutie, I’ve got you.”
Many of us are adapting to the COVID-19 pandemic in a variety of ways. I tempt you to follow the white rabbit: allow yourself to get to know others and more importantly, yourself. This is your time. Read. Explore. Dream. Paint. Look for wildness. Grow. Breathe. Cultivate your frequency. Play Lady Gaga’s Alice on repeat and dance alone. Have a tea party or un-birthday celebration.
If now is your time to transform, please be gentle with yourself. There is no use going back to yesterday, because you were a different person then.
Lenore is a writer, speaker, and activist. Some of her interests include playing the guitar, practicing yoga, kayaking, and being with her rescued dogs at home in Rhode Island, USA. Lenore admires Justice RBG, Glennon Doyle, Gloria Steineim, and Wegan. Also Wegan’s pup Nalo. Always Nalo.